Mornings make me stabby. The very act of getting out of bed, dressing, and pretending to be an even semi-functional human being makes me feel stabby.
I shared this sentiment with my girlfriend as I walked into the kitchen this morning. Without a word, she proceeded to hand me a knife and an orange.
Lessons learned from this early-morning scenario:
- I now know how a serial killer juices an orange.
- Clearly, my girlfriend has no sense of self-preservation.